Two Tales

Was I impressed?
It was one of those days that you dress up not to kill every lady who is old enough to flirt with you, but a day to do all that and hope and pray to meet with someone you know so she can give you the raised eyebrow of confirmed approval that “yes you got it” .

You smell like ‘Ann Kiguta cant stop calling me’ ( please get it) and having  seen the barber the night before, so the scalp is in a way unlike any youll ever see in the week.
I think now you get the idea of what kind of morning I had going. ‘You cant touch this ‘ ‘I run this ish’ type of morning , although mornings are like this get the picture this had some more than normal spice in it.
Why have I spent so much time and  emphasis to divulge about me and this story isnot about him ;) ?
As I entered the pieces of crap we call public means a woman with an infant seeked to seat next to me ( I couldn't let her miss 'all this' this morning). " By all means " , and since I believe that all HIACEs were build with the wrong dimensions I did what I always step out and let the madam sit between me and the driver and I am left with the best and only seat in these contraptions , one with window access to act as  my arm rest  and leg room where I cant have cramps after every bump.
As the driver meandered past Winsor and into Kiambu Road this little kid was in such a mood that he wanted to show us what he had for breakfast , of which the driver and me were in the least interested.
He began to puke his guts out and the woman removed a black paper bag and all his business went into the bag.
I also want some attention!!!!!!! Do you remember the first paragraph?
I have not met anyone I knew -yet, no one had had a chance to smell me and with this kid spilling everything from his insides I was praying that nothing spilled on me,because that would be my new cologne for the day. Someone would come close to me and I would be ‘ don’t ask its called “baby puke” new arrival from Italy.
I tried my best not to shout at the lady to let her handle her issues with due diligence as not to result in further loss and embarrassment than she was currently experiencing.
But I had to admit this tiny(class 6) boy was really not well. When he felt like showing us what he had in his stomach first he gurgled it in his throat before the mother opened the bad and the boy emptied his contents. After which he relaxed for a while as the numerous cars of Nairobi residents moved slowly through traffic.
I went on trying to understand why this book took me 5 months to complete. Read a few pages chat with a few people , read a few pages ,look at some peoples automobiles, read a few pages check out pretty eyes in the next vehicle ,you get it- 5 months .
As I sat there with an acclaimed resilience that I will complete this goal I set out to achieve, the mouth that I thought had had enough awoke now with more to show than before, as usual the woman had the paper bag( now appreciating paperbags more) ready and the boy kept depositing into it contents I would rather not even think about.
And now his stomach was hurting for he picked up his legs and pushed against the dash board and twisting them as his mouth opens again and more stuff pours out , yes I said it more stuff.
The mother gets her handbag and removes what is by smell a piece of candy and hands it to the boy, telling him it will help with the pain. The kid as if been through this before says that it will not help in any way.
No sooner had the boy tasted the candy than he puked it plus mixtures of his own to the black-paper-bag.
Things got from bad to what should be next to it.
When I thought the kid was not done with one opening he decided to show me and all who were there he had another one. Just like that, right there between Muthaiga Road and KIE he relieved himself .
I want you to picture this when I got into the car I asked the driver to roll up the window on his end because the damn contraption did not work on my side (Mkebe za kahawa west) now that the boy needs a serious dyper change and the traffic isnot helping. I cant roll down my window for fresh air while I held 1 book I swore to return in 3 weeks and  holding my bag .
The boy was now standing with his hands and head to the dashboard and I could feel the heat from his pants next to my ankle (which I can not change until I make the girl in our building blush) .the smell was overwhelming and we were now at the bumps of Ngara.
Without much a do the woman asked that the driver stops him off at that stage.
When her words said stage and when the car stopped was the longest I had seen in the day. The car stopped and the lady held his boy as they alighted think she was so disoriented because she even forgot his kids sweater.
That was what happened this is what I saw.
I saw a woman who was able to handle a kid in his most vulnerable, in a situation where the worst just happened and she was  able to alight from the vehicle with all of my respect.
This kid was puking left right and center and nothing not even the tiniest drop fell on me and I didnot move to make the situation more uncomfortable than it is ( the idea is to show her this happens , people travel sick. Relax!- don't I look chilled?) .
This lady was next to the driver and not at one instance did the driver had to call for his superior evasive driving skills in avoiding this kids overwhelming situation- no such thing happened.
Now this worried me the most this woman must have had someone who she had the kid with. Stay with me here if the lady carried the black puky bag she knew that the kid was that bad off  and knew it was more appropriate that the kid be taken to hospital in a private vehicle instead of waiting at the stage until it is full and once reaching town walking all the way to Kencom to pick a KBS to Nairobi hospital or Kenyatta Hospital which still has to fill up before leaving.
This is why am scared if I care for you I will either ensure you have a means to reach where your going without incident or if not call your behind every 30 mins because even though I may not mind for you that much , I may have a few heart valves left for the kid.
If you don't have the money for public you know a friend a neighbour that could be more philanthropic.
This was an accident and it happens but what got my proverbial hairs in a twist was this earlier occurrence some 3 days before.

Story 2 - adding salt on story 1
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The other day infact just 2 to 3 days before this morning when this occurred ,I was leaving for home after a busy day of sitting infront of your computer wishing for the clock to hit 4:30 (don’t wanna do anything days)
I was heading home from town and as I was boarding the matatu, a guy boarded before me then his wife followed,seated behind the driver,normal?
The lady was carrying a kid's bag and she placed right infront of me, behind the co-drivers seat since there was no space where she sat, and her husband ohh whell lets say am happy my sister isnot married yet.
There was serious traffic jam all the way as we left town and for about 1hour 40 min nothing was uttered between the two except for the wife stating that "he will pay".
I had doubts that they knew each other , only to see the husband who had his hand on his phone had the same comically designed ring as the woman with the kid.
The lady did not look at the husband during the drive  she only looked at the child who was mostly covered up or look ahead.
When she uncovered the kid again I saw that the kid was a newly born probably a week or a few days old and judging by the marks on the mothers hand she was from hospital and this was their drive home.
As every person (assuming here) who has ever sat in the middle seat behind the driver but at the centre  knows your feet are usually right at where  the transmission and the engine are attached and it will get very hot in a couple of minutes. I was seated next to the door and my right leg was already in  unbearable uncomfortable heat .
Halfway through the trip it got so hot I could feel the lady try and find a position that was comfortable to no avail.

That is what happened

And this is what I make of it

What man gets into a public before his wife who has a kid?
At that time I had exactly 1,500 that was to keep me for a couple of days before my employer sympathised with me to pay me for the cost I incurred to go see a doctor ( don’t worry I wont tell you)
I wont judge because I have never been married , but this is it ‘ if a lady has given birth to your child there is no way in God green earth being ruled by the devil that she is going home in a public matatu next to the transmission -NEVER. Let me explain........
I may not have a vehicle but for that one day I may hire a taxi ,say 1,200 and someone who has pushed a 3kg kid with your big head genes out a hole that only fits less - deserves such .
Or I have friends who will offer me a lift or  lend  me their automobile for a few hours to deliver ‘my people ‘ from hospital to home. Mind you kahawa west is not very close to town and this lady was there adding jam time!
So shame on your stupid idiot self for taking your family home through public means in the most uncomfortable seat in the matatu on that one important day.
I pray you do not stand somewhere and hit your chest with all vigour that you are a man and how you have Shiru ,Waithera and Njoki in check.
A great man spends the most ,gives the best to those who are or will be with him for the longest .
I was using my case with what I had in my pocket at the time , if this bundle of mucus was my kid. I would have borrowed my friends vehicle and fuelled it with some of the coins I had on me and still had some left over for tomorrow and if I didn't have the money I would have begged , borrowed or stole .


Make your own mind ,judge for your own  self. ( To be continued)

I dont think so

Having had a day and a three quarter decided to make a contribution in this thing we keep calling my life.

My friend had just rushed like he had forgot something or had just lost something didn’t quite got what he was saying and I was for the idea to  let him do his thing as I stepped into the car and try and count all the ‘loot’ collected that night .

I settled in the driver seat and removed the stash of cash that was in my back pocket and before I started to numerically analyze my efforts, I saw that the passenger’s door was slightly ajar and the lock had been set , as I reached out to lock it the guy who was standing close to the car next to a lady reached in to grab the handle and got in the car. I wanted to open my car-side-door and rush out, that was when he stuck the barrel of a small-round- hand gun and judging from the shady movies; it must have been a 9mm. Some arrogant side of me wanted to shout out that’s a bloody fake and knock the sense out of this bloke but as I breathed in as my heart searched for air to fill its racing requirements ‘the barrel being so close to my nostrils I got a whiff of smell like of burnt iron and a combination of dust.

I had worked so hard to get where I was and was certainly not going to let some money- hungry-lazy boned-bloke take what I have worked for with blood and tears. On the other side of this thing we call a spectrum was the idea that I can always make more later since I had what he couldn’t steal and that is an innovative and absolutely resilient mind, with the strength to get up from anything you dish at it, in your futile attempts to pull or break or even forge small cracks on its well polished titanium surface